Dollhouse

When I first heard the premise for Joss Whedon's Dollhouse, I was really, really scared. After having watched the premiere, I'm still really, really scared. The uber-secret Dollhouse is a place where nubile young girls are taken to have their personalities stripped and their bodies super-toned. Why? So the girls can become Stepford Agents, of course. Let's say you're super rich and you want a hot girl who's really into bondage and likes to race motorcycles and dance in really, really short dresses and who'll fall in love with you just for your birthday — who you gonna call? Let's say your little girl's been kidnapped by really, really bad dudes — who you gonna call? Yeah, yeah.

Whedon has taken the River aspect from Firefly, added prostitution and, well, we're off. A bit too much Joe 90 for me, but then poor Joe didn't have sex forced on him. I have to give that to his dear ol' dad, child abuser that he was. Didn't the government ever give him a pamphlet on child work laws?

Anyway, the first episode was a real mess, too much being included at once in a too J.J. Abrams influenced fashion, strands thrown in here and there. I suspect the first episode was really three episodes all cut up and smashed together to satisfy Fox (Fox apparently demanded mucho changes). The main subject of the series is Echo (Eliza Dushku, Whedon's muse). She's the newest doll, escaping from a dubious past that the writers will or will not reveal to us in the future. And then there's Paul, Helo from Battlestar Galactica (Tahmoh Penikett), who's a government agent; he's off on his own strand trying to find Echo. In the middle of all this, Echo is doing a Mission Impossible stint trying to rescue a girl from her bad kidnappers who are also child molesters who also molested "Echo" only not "Echo" but one of the personalities downloaded to Echo — the personality has asthma as a result and blows the mission because she gets asthma because she recognizes a kidnapper ... which is a step up from Echo's last mission as a real inflatable sex doll. Thrown in is all the "what are we doing to these girls" angst, reinfoced by Helo trying to bring down Russian mobsters who import girls for the sex trade. See what I mean?

Of course the madam of the Dollhouse is an older woman, played by Olivia Williams, a Brit. God forbid that an American woman would ever become a madam. In the olden days it would have been a Caucasian playing a Chinese with chopsticks in her hair and really, really long red varnished nails. (Okay, I'm a sucker for Thoroughly Modern Millie.)

In the end, what I really found disheartening was the writing. It was bad. Anyone could have written the script. Not what you expect from Whedon at all. I'm hoping this is just stretch marks as Whedon expands and deepens his writing skills. After all, witty adolescent banter only gets you so far. Going deeper produces greater works, i.e. Persuasion from Pride and Prejudice. But if it's not ... :(

Some nice touches? Well, Whedon's brought back Amy Acker (Angel). She plays the in-house doctor — what's with all the bad scars on her face, we're supposed to ask. And Katya Kinski (Dichen Lachman) from Neighbours has morphed into a doll! She looks pretty hot with a semi automatic. Go, Katya. Only, don't get too excited and use the semi on Susan.

The Guild

It's really hard to write about The Guild. There's this wonderful soft, gentle, rolling quality about it that I really like. But then there's also this tedious thing going on — sort of like what you feel when you're waiting in line at Bed Bath & Beyond, trying to return the Aerobed mattress that sprung a leak and realizing this is the second time this year you've had to do this and you're really hoping you'll one day soon be able to afford a real mattress and that it's a good thing the staff at BBB are so nice and don't make a fuss about returns and exchanges, at least at the BBBs in the Valley (the staff at the BBB at The Beverly Center aren't quite as upbeat).

So what is The Guild? It's a for-web-only series created by Felicia Day and it's about a gang of online gamers. I'm not going to describe the plot because that would do the series a disservice. Let's just say that during Series One there was an anti-love story and an embezzlement plot. Series Two just began and it looks pretty much like Series One.

I like Felicia Day, or at least her befuddled, too-nice-for-her-own-good character Codex. Day is a regular on TV and is probably best known as Vi, one of the would-be slayers on the last season of Buffy. She says she began writing The Guild during the writers' strike when there wasn't anything for actors to do except write. And so she did. The Guild has a good fan base and apparently even inspired Joss Whedon to produce his Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, which, of course, stars Felicia Day. Series Two is even sponsored by Microsoft, so now you have to go to MSN to see the new shows instead of YouTube. But Series One is still available on YouTube and here's Episode One. The episodes are never more than six minutes long so you end up spending more time downloading them than actually watching them. Oh, well.

Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog

I've always loved Joss Whedon stuff. I still think Buffy, the series, was one of the best things ever done for TV. What a fantastic ending, exploding the ridiculous limitations of a slayer. I laughed because it was just such an unexpected, such a duh solution. Genius. Way to go. And wasn't Spike the best vampire ever? Mommy's boy, slayer lover. Of course the only one out of the Scooby gang to never lose faith in Buffy. And then I heard Joss was doing sci fi with Firefly, and I was like "what?" But I loved that too. Now there's Dr. Horrible. And it's sing-along. You just never know what to expect from Joss.

Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog is really funny, in a corny kinda way. I also found it endearing. Maybe because of its loving, amateur tone. Or maybe because Joss Whedon writes with so much heart about misfits.

Dr. Horrible is a wannabe super villain. He's on his way. He even has an arch enemy, the slimy, cheesy "hero", Captain Hammer. Of course they're both after the same girl. Dr. Horrible's love is the genuine heartsick of an adolescent. Captain Hammer is only interested in sex -- and getting Dr. Horrible all bent out of shape by screwing the girl. He's sort of like the obnoxious alpha male at your high school. Yes, there is singing. It's hard not to compare it to "Once More, With Feeling", the musical Buffy episode.

Here's what I like.

1. The female lead character is average. She's not super beautiful. She's not super smart. She doesn't have super powers. She doesn't say clever things. She is a real average girl. She's played by Felicia Day, who, thank the gods, can sing.

2. It's a classic musical. Almost operatic with three voices singing different lyrics.

3. Neil Patrick Harris. I've never liked him in any roles before, but as Dr. Horrible, he gives the show the heart it needs. The Middleman needs someone like him.

4. Nathan Fillion. It's always nice to see him. He and Eliza Dushku seem to alternate as Whedon's alter ego. He's fun in comedies, only I wish we could see him in as intense and as erotic a role as Caleb, the only real scary Buffy villain.

I can't say that there was anything I disliked. The beginning was real slow but it picks up beautifully and leaves you wanting more. I mean, that's the Holy Grail of writing, isn't it? Things start to slow again in Act III -- well, Act IIIs are hard. At times, I wish he'd break new ground with the dialog. Sometimes when Dr. Horrible was talking, I'd hear Mal from Firefly. And echoes of Xander from Buffy. I imagine he misses Mal. Firefly was canceled so abruptly. But maybe it's time to let go of Xander/Angel/Mal?

You can't watch Dr. Horrible on TV, not even on satellite. It's only available on the website and iTunes. But here's a trailer.