Thursday, October 23, 2008

HDTV Is Scaring Me

HDTV is not kind to women. At least not to women with heavy plastic surgery. The living dead on HDTV suddenly become the ghoulish dead. If I were the women of Hollywood, I'd get together and form a Middleman conspiracy to kill HDTV. Or lure Max Factor back from the dead and have him reformulate all his make-up because something has to be done. You women are scaring me.

You know what else doesn't work on HDTV? Commercial food. Like Wienerschnitzel's chili dogs, which look like they're covered in shit from a dog that ate all your Ex-Lax -- isn't that taking "truth in advertising" a little too literally? Their chili dog isn't that bad. And why does everything at Olive Garden look like it was nuked from a packet (maybe it is). Campbell's soups look cold and congealed, El Pollo Loco chicken looks like plastic, and everything from Lean Cuisine looks like airline food. And I'm talking cattle class.

Of course, my big fear is that to the rest of America, this stuff does look good enough to eat. And what does that say for the American diet?

Oh — the one food product that does translate well is hamburgers. I guess glistening fat always looks good.

So what's the connection between insecure actresses who get too much plastic surgery and food pumped full of additives? I'll leave that for you guys to answer in the comments!

HDTV is going to be one tough learning curve.

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