Doctor Who

Wasn't Alex Kingston wonderful in "Silence in the Library"! And I love her name: Dr. River Song. It's great to see her having fun after all those years of grumpiness in ER.
I have to say that the last few Dr. Whos have been so much fun. And with actual tension and surprise. Part of the fun is the sparkle the girls have added. Like Georgia Moffett as the Doctor's daughter Jenny (episode "The Doctor's Daughter"). How much you want to bet she's another spin off? Initially, I was a little disappointed to find out Jenny was a genetic clone thing -- I was hoping some of the Doctor's relatives were finally going to start appearing. After all, the original Dr. Who had his granddaughter. That means he also had at least one daughter or son. And maybe a wife? And parents?

"Silence in the Library" had several enjoyable elements, like the way the brain waves remain for a short while in the transmitters. The little girl who turns out to be the security system for the library. The Doctor being so clueless to who River is and being so upset about it. For the first time in a long time, I actually wanted to know what was going to happen next. It certainly hit all my buttons. I hope the writer of the episode, Steven Moffat, writes a lot more! Great use of technology exploration -- true sci fi, if you know what I mean. Just one thing -- enough with the corporate villains!

I've also been impressed by the roster of stars that have been appearing this season. Not just Alex Kingston, but Felicity Kendal and Fenella Woolgar. Someone really appreciates girl power. Is Dr. Who becoming the next Midsomer Murders?

I hate to spread rumors, but I can't help myself. Seems David Tennant romances a lot of the women who appear in Dr. Who, including Georgia Moffett. Who would have thought he was such a real-life Casanova (of course he played Casanova in a pretty bad movie version -- I'm so tempted to write my own version because they've all stunk to high hell)! He does have a great sparkle in his eyes. I've been a fan since seeing him in He Knew He Was Right (he was superb in The Chatterley Affair). In fact, when I heard Christopher Eccleston was the new Doctor, I screamed, "You've got to be kidding! They should get David Tennant!" Well, strangely, I ended up liking Eccleston as the Doctor and not really enjoying Tennant because with Rose, the Doctor was just a giggling juvenile fool. I mean, if I'd been Queen Victoria, I'd have established an agency to eradicate David Tennant too. But without Rose, and with Donna, Tennant is much more watchable. Of course, he's leaving ...

I just hope Alex Kingston comes back again and again. Too bad Time Lords don't change gender. She'd be a fantastic Doctor.

The Middleman

Entertainment Weekly recommended that I watch it, so I did. Boy, was it a painful start. Stilted dialogue, blind acting. It sort of had the air of "Gee, I wonder if anyone will really buy this pilot." But slowly, things did pick up and get better. The setup or the plot doesn't really matter. The show is based on the comics of Javier Grillo-Marxuach and it's a kind of Men in Black must-stop-the-weird-stuff-and-protect-humanity action show. According to the Wiki article, the comic book series was intended to be a television series but got hijacked into a comic book series and is now a television series. On ABC Family. Makes sense to me. From the Wiki article I get the idea that Grillo-Marxuach wanted to cram in as much stuff as he could from every TV show and movie he ever liked. Okay, that's fun, until you trip on the zillionth cultural reference and you wonder, hey, where's the show? Is there a show?

What they did right was in the casting. Natalie Morales as Wendy Watson and Matt Keeslar as The Middleman are fun to watch and even have a bit of chemistry together. And boy, can Natalie deliver rapid-fire dialogue. But what's with the dialogue? You've got the rapid-fire delivery of a 30s screwball comedy with the inane content of a 60s adventure series like Batman. But what you don't have is the sophistication and wit of the 30s screwball comedy nor the languid, sultry rhythms of the 60s shows like The Avengers so it's like taking a bite out of a blueberry-arugula muffin.

The Middleman can get a lot worse or a lot better. I hope it gets a lot better. But it needs something more, something unique that has the potential to become a cultural reference of its own. Otherwise it's just a visual card catalog.

I think you can still watch the pilot at the ABC Family website.

Battlestar Galactic Yawn

Last episode, there was this great scene -- great because of the potential. Baltar is yakking away at a pretty beleaguered looking Cylon centurion -- trying to get the poor thing all riled up with his crap about hierarchy and god -- and I thought, wouldn't it be great if the writers actually did something interesting and fun, like having the centurion tilt his head, raise his metal claw, and slowly choke the words out of Baltar until he was dead. No more droning Baltar! Yeah! I was actually excited.

That didn't happen. But the ship did blow a wall and Baltar was down for the count. And I thought, okay, that's good enough for me. A senseless death. Not so fun as the Cylon choking Baltar, but I could live with it.

That didn't happen. But for one moment, Laura decides to let him bleed to death. And I thought, okay. Not as interesting or as fun or as senseless, but I can live with it.

That didn't happen. Baltar lives. The episodes continue. I'm really regretting that the Cylons didn't obliterate the humans in season two.

This season, every character is tedious. Even the explosions are tedious. The dead cat is tedious. I don't care anymore who the secret Cylons are. Every time someone dies, I think, hooray! One less grimacing oh-Zeus-life-really-sucks face I have to look at. And what's with turning Battlestar into John Adams? And look, writers, teasing people with Baltar's death and Laura's potential Cylon-ness will only get you kicked in the ass. Just because this is the last season doesn't mean you guys can get away with it. Have some class, people. Or at least some pride.

Lost: A Sloppy Map Isn't Storytelling

Whenever I watch Lost, I get this sick feeling that we, the viewers, are just rubber dolls for the self-indulgent masturbatory acts of the Lost writers. I don't like being fucked around. I don't like treasure hunts that promise big but only come up with a lot of bad clues and stinky prizes. What's so great about imposed confusion? Every episode reeks of a glorified Agatha Christie mystery with red herrings thrown to people who like doing dumbed down crossword puzzles. It's Monty Burns rubbing his hands, eyes narrowed, saying gleefully, "They want clues? I'll give them clues."

The best part of Lost is the cast of characters. It began with them and made all the silliness bearable, even at times meaningful. But now the characters are just cogs to an end that probably isn't justified. Or interesting. Because the show is now about the writers and how the writers are more clever than the viewers. Cleverness for the sake of cleverness. Surprise for the sake of surprise.

Lost is shitting on the head of light entertainment.

(Yes, I am angry. But as a writer, I just don't approve of writers abusing their superpowers.)

Doctor Who and the Spin-offs

So why do I like The Sarah Jane Adventures but loathe Torchwood? And I was really excited about Torchwood when I first heard about it. Captain Jack Harkness in his own show? Bring it on! I loved the fun, naughty, sexually omnivorious alien. When Captain Jack finds out his naked body is going on air to zillions of viewers, what does he say? "Ladies, your ratings just went up." I loved it.

So what happened to Captain Jack? Torchwood happened. Ugly, human-hating Torchwood. That incessant, constant, nauseating drumbeat of "It's us! We humans are our worst enemy!" The aliens aren't even any fun. Torchwood was supposed to be grown-up Dr. Who. Who wants a grown-up Dr. Who? Look, if you want to go the way of Buffy, Farscape, Firefly, you're going to have to up the ante -- like get some imagination. And throwing in sex scenes isn't grown-up. And, listen, outside of Captain Jack, I really don't want to see the cast having sex.

Now what I like about Sarah Jane is that since it's aimed at kiddies, they haven't tried too hard. You don't see the writers angsting and thinking above themselves. Instead, it's a show the gods of Light Entertainment would approve of. And, of course, you have Elizabeth Sladen. And the writers have let Elizabeth Sladen do her Sarah Jane thing. They haven't tried to transform her into some modern Freudian creature of the dark like they did to Captain Jack. They just let her be what she's supposed to be, the hero. It was nice that they let her be so clueless to human relationships that when her adopted alien son rants about how out of place he feels at school, she does an "Oh, well, better luck next time" instead of explaining that feeling alien and out of place is a teenage rite. And she's right, aliens are much more interesting so forget human psychology. In many ways, Sarah Jane is now more the Doctor than the Doctor. They've inadvertently put his real soul into Sarah Jane -- god only knows what's in the current Doctor. After all, the Doctor was originally an alien who liked being around humans. Not a human who thinks he's an alien.

It's amazing what a good cast does for a show. The cast is good in Sarah Jane. Not really good at all on Torchwood. By that I mean there isn't any charisma, any spark of life. Partly, that's the writing, but partly, that's just miscasting. Like if they were going to change Captain Jack that much, they might as well have cast a completely different actor. It's just not John Barrowman anymore.

As for the core, Dr. Who, I basically like it. But here's where I think Russell T. Davis goes wrong: in the human relationship department. I know he's trying to get to the heart and soul of the Doctor, how his vagabond life affects the humans and aliens around him. But it's just too persistent and heavy handed. Like every show. Over and over again. And not Mike Leigh subtle but Steven Spielberg orchestra pouncing spectacle.

And why are they always in England? On or above the earth? I get it that the Doctor is a terraophile but come on! Let's use the tardis for a little bit more fun than lame time travel around the earth. Well, they did do a dimensional thing but it was STILL on the earth.

And if they're sooooo keen on doing a romance on the Doctor, BRING BACK ROMANA. (I adored Lalla Ward's Romana.) A nice, feisty, acid-tongued Romana. (I'm sick of the goofy, cutesy girl companions of late.) I'd love to hear how she's been getting along since going off into the other universe.

Prime Time or Snore Time

Ugly Betty: snore
Gene Simmons as Amanda's daddy? Come on. How stupid is that? Not as stupid as Amanda channeling Gene Simmons. The writers have pretty much sucked the life out of every character. Only Hilda is still first season Ugly Betty. Ana Ortiz will not let Hilda die. Well, in the common vernacular -- you go, girl. Love her new hair.

Whoops. Almost forgot Judith Light. She's pretty fantastic too. But then, she always is. Totally underrated actor. Made even Tony Danza look good. Now that's an actor.

Would love to see the original Colombian version. How soon did they lose the plot?

Lost: snore
I played an online video game, trying to win bucks on iwon.com, the entire episode. Is this turning into a Linus vs. Widmore schtick? Is this turning into another Alias disappointment?

30 Rock: maybe it hasn't jumped the shark?

That graph charting the gross factor from human actors to CGI characters was so right. When I watched the show, I thought the writers had come up with the whole idea. But no. I've been put right. This is a well known hypothesis. It even has a name: The Uncanny Valley. Did they use this Wiki graph? I have to concede points to the writers for introducing the graph in such a laugh-outloud way. The Amadeus reference was a little tedious. But the cracks at corporate America were nice and sparky. I'd probably slap someone who offered me that much money, too.

Some Housewives

I'm ashamed to admit that I've been unable to turn away from The Real Housewives of New York City. It's like watching a nest of vipers -- unhealthily mesmerizing. I keep expecting David Attenborough to pop up with a commentary. The rivalry between Jill and Ramona is like a real-life enactment of E.F. Benson's Mapp and Lucia rivalry. Only it's Mapp and Mapp, and since it's real people acting so absurd, not that funny. I mean, come on -- grow up.

BTW, I'm worried about little Francois. The poor tyke looks like all life has been slowly leeched out of him. Maybe a bout of public school and a good game of dodgeball will fix him up. Or a real male role model. I sometimes think there should be a Big Brother/Little Brother (or Sister) program for rich kids. There are very disturbing similarities between the very rich and the very poor. Extremes in the human race are very disturbing. So is inbreeding.

Please feel free to take the "Most Disturbing" poll.